You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
