i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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