We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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