sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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