my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
