Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
