Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
