I'm lost and stupid without you.
I bet he comes in French.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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