'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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