All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
