i think my tv is drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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