I hate your face
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
