Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
