i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
