ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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