It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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