i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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