He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
