also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
