I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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