remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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