You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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