I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
