Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
