After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
