You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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