She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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