I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
