There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
