i wish my penis had a tongue
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
