we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
