Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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