Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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