you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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