well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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