Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
