Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
