His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
