found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
