Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
