I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
