Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
