hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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