Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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