we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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