im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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