Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
