Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize