we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she told me i tasted like america
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
