um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
