I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
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he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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