so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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