They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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