a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
soo... how was my night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
