Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
