I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my liver is dry heaving
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
