I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You took a bar mat shot.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
