Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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