If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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