Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize