my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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